You take the challenge; you end up blaming yourself- being the other woman.
You are the woman who can’t live without attention. The woman who does all the wrong things just to be acknowledged. You are destruction. Loving someone who’s looking for love- that’s too dull for you. Loving someone who has a heart which belongs to someone else? Yes, that is what you yearn. When he picks you after committing to someone else, that feeds your soul. That satisfies you like no other drug. You need gossip and scandal. A storm of controversy beckons you to walk into it. The thought of him in your arms when he shouldn’t be in them. The thought of him wanting to do all the wrong things for you. And he does them; he does them all the time when he is bored or lonely or in need. And when he tells you to hide in his closet in the morning, you believe it’s not his fault. You comfort yourself with reasons as to why he can’t be only yours. And all those reasons are justified. You feel the thrill but you fall short on noticing the unfaithfulness. You desire the pleasure but you miss the sincerity. You try to satisfy your hunger of lust but you feel forlorn. You spend hours imagining the possibility of him leaving her for you but you’re too scared to ask. You are terrified by the idea of him being madly in love with her and only thinking of you as a distraction. So you avoid this conversation altogether. You know you need to accept the fact that if he’s a cheater, you are no innocent. If he accepted her, doesn’t mean he’ll accept you. If he cheated on her, doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on you. If he found you, he can find another too. But then you stop thinking about what’s not there and start thinking of the perfect scene you’ve got going. You believe you’ve won. But that belief only stays for a moment and as time goes on, you realize you’re still alone. You make a choice everyday to be the second option. You know you can never be as important as you want to be. You continue to protect your heart because he has never refused. He has never turned away and he won’t until you ask him to be yours. You need to get out of this arrangement. But only you can do that. Not him or her. Only you.